Tag Archives: CrossFire

JLB Episode 77 – Peter Pan’s Cousin, Saint Patrick!

In this episode, we talk a lot about being sneaky while sneaking into a laundromat through a secret tunnel in Chicago. Hot Cheetos are often used to distract people while in shadow mode and Jill is being chased by her problems. Josh has to abruptly take a shit and excuses himself while Jill is visited by Saint Patrick, who loves telling jokes. Jill admits we are there to steal all his gold but he doesn’t seem to care and lets her know they in the dryers. St. Pat gives some sage advice to the kiddos out there by instructing them to be kidnapped by Pirates, it’ll boost your career and they also have the best peanut butter! He prides himself for his wall of celebrities who have visited the mat, especially the best rapper of all time, Joaquin Phoenix. There is a huddle of guys jerkin it in the alley way trying to keep the rats warm and Josh finally comes back, he was shanked. So tune in and enjoy this exhilarating adventure of mystery, intrigue, and The Hulkster’s 10 incher.

Don’t forget you can also give us a call and leave a voice mail and we’ll play it on the next episode! Call us at 813-551-ANUS. That’s 813-551-2687!

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JLB Episode 76 – Carnie Life!

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In this episode, we throw an S Club party in the carny underground and explore the mysterious life of America’s most elusive group of people, the Carnies. But first we talk about Paul Bearer and the World Wildlife Federation and how the Macho Man likes the white cream of an 8th grade boy. We then discuss our upcoming power ballad “American White Baby” while Josh gets confused with life as a Carnita. We discover an underground Carnie Crossfire tournament and have no choice but to sponsor the entire event including our own champions named Lil Pete and Pat. We then learn that they only deal in Lizzies and favor Beanie Weenies over public safety, equipment repairs, and clown shoes. An old carny lures Josh with Riesens and touches his soft spots while Jill celebrates the blind CEO of OshKosh B’Gosh. Bugles, dip in shit.

Don’t forget you can also give us a call and leave a voice mail and we’ll play it on the next episode! Call us at 813-551-ANUS. That’s 813-551-2687!

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JLB Episode 73 – This Is A Banking Episode

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In this “New Year” episode, we come together to celebrate Jesus’s real birthday by burning our old vision boards. But before we jump into how we learn about Josh’s new job, editing all of the Wikipedia articles. Although Jill is genuinely concerned for the Backstreet Boys wiki page, Josh genuinely doesn’t give a shit. He is also dropping his new album full of 90’s style interludes. It’s like they always say “the more interludes you got the better the flow”. Throw olives in the air if you want to be Greek. We then talk about our vision boards and the many different styles of crosses you can buy for burning or praising. Jill keeps interrupting to talk about Mase and Josh use to be a fire safety chief in Chicago; Youse gotta take cares of ya hands if ya wanna hold dem dags. Also, Jill threw some chicken bones and has determined that a complete economic crash is coming in 2017. So we spend some time talking about our future proof investments like downtown revitalization, buying up all of the Crossfire games, and artisanal crack rock stores. We will also see a rise in child labor this year and Creaky Door Syndrome. We then close out the episode with a fashion update with new trends like the classic over-sized white t-shirt and flesh colored leggings. I hope you have your big dicks ready because this episode is going to blow up your ear holes!

Don’t forget you can also give us a call and leave a voice mail and we’ll play it on the next episode! Call us at 813-551-ANUS. That’s 813-551-2687!
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JLB Episode 72 – Christmas Buttholes!

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In this episode, we are broadcasting live from the Jacksonville Mall here in North Carolina, also known as “The 2nd Pride of Jacksonville” closely following “The 1st Pride of Jacksonville”, Walmart. We kick things off with some holiday voicemails from our old friend Donnie Crespo and our new celebrity friend, Mario Lopez! He’s in the transport business now and he has seduced us with his trustworthy dimples. Josh is clarifying butter and Jill says children lack hobbies these days, hobbies like lawn mowing with a scythe. We briefly discuss the puzzling lives of neckbeards. We listen in to a paranoid mall Santa while being frequently interrupted by the unruly announcements from an elderly lady in the gift wrap department. Josh joins a horse club inspired by the movie “War Horse” and Jill was in the confederate army. Jill gives us another gratuitous fashion update and we end on a Jill 4 Jesus prayer that is to the tits!

Don’t forget you can also give us a call and leave a voice mail and we’ll play it on the next episode! Call us at 813-551-ANUS. That’s 813-551-2687!

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JLB Episode 71 – All’s Quiet On The Christmas Front

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In this episode we gear up for the “War on Christmas”, whatever that is. Most people don’t remember their childhood so we talk about crossfire and it’s importance as the #1 toy for the last 30 years. Big Ben the farmer likes to lure children and Obama’s AR-15 equipped elves are coming to take our eggnog. We talk about the need to preserve our right to “Winter Pleasures” as well as dancing with plow boys. The great barrier reef is not that important and Carol loves her cheese fountain. So listen to this latest installment for tips on how to preserve your “Winter Pleasures” and keep our cups from changing!

Don’t forget you can also give us a call and leave a voice mail and we’ll play it on the next episode! Call us at 813-551-ANUS. That’s 813-551-2687!

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JLB Episode 64 – Tech Reviews, Self Rape, and The Snapchat Dick Pic Method

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In this episode, Jill opens with a brief impromptu interview (via Snapchat) with presidential hopeful, Scat Mayor. Unfortunately, he doesn’t have his translator with him so she has absolutely no idea what he is talking about. Nevertheless, Jill charges on with thought provoking questions about reaching the millennials and the Snapchat dick pic method. Josh walks in from taking a humongous shit and finds Jill already doing the podcast without him and then she rambles on about wanting to join a vape club to represent Vape Nation. Should it be broadcast on Spanish ESPN? Damn straight! We then get on a little hashtag jib jab before Josh ruins our lives with a shit story about yet another club he has joined. Don’t worry, this one is actually relevant! Lets just say it has a little something to do with pokeballin’ and self rape *wink*. We then close things out by sharing a short audio clip from our new Youtube sponsor, Ultimate Tech Reviews Unlimited with Larry, where he does amazing tech reviews and his wife Barbara does dollar tree art reviews, they’re great!

Don’t forget you can also give us a call and leave a voice mail and we’ll play it on the next episode! Call us at 813-551-ANUS. That’s 813-551-2687!

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JLB Episode 55 – True Life: Born Without An Anus

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In this episode, we go completely off track and talk about various subjects like bitcoin cookies, drones, Tulsaletto, and whitewashing the problems away. Ol’ gofer arms (Josh, as he was called in his youth) briefly rants about witchcraft skyping before we engage in a postal worker drone baby discussion with drone-stradamus notes sprinkled in. Josh joins another community, this time of the bathrobe wizardry variety and Jill just suspects he is easily persuaded, especially if there are strong men involved. After whitewashing our problems away we finally hop into our main “Hot Topics” about the hit MTV documentary, “True Life: I Was Born Without An Anus”. Jill spouts off about the dino conspiracy and then we end the show with some recorded takes from our new job, tech support at Blizzard Entertainment.

This episode is proudly sponsored by WackaMaCrack and presented by the one and only, Chinese Sean Connery. Need a crack, WackaMaCrack!

Don’t forget you can also give us a call and leave a voice mail and we’ll play it on the next episode! Call us at 813-551-ANUS. That’s 813-551-2687!

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JLB Episode 48 – How To Win Friends and Influence the Peach Industry

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In this episode, Jill is but a simple yet passionate peach farmer trying to defend her crop from little orange haired twin boys. We go over ways to thwart the terror they cause and one of those ways is you guessed it, Yahoo Answers! Not only has it helped me with my taxes, Yahoo Answers has provided us with the resources to solve virtually every known problem that has plagued mankind. It’s free and easy to use, in fact new users are signing up everyday and answering questions to help you achieve success and live a truly fulfilling life. Jill even found out what M.O. stands for using Yahoo Answers, but we digress. We then talk briefly about the controversial rivalry between Limbo Fuhrer and Demon Trucker before jumping into our latest Hot Topics, “Ways to be popular”. As a big nose listener you’re going to hear the top 5 ways that will exponentially improve your existence, by the only measurement that matters in life, being popular. You will hear tips like gain weight, push ups, going rouge, and saying things like “My word is my bond”. We close out our episode with your typical social media plugs but don’t forget, we are technically a 5 star podcast and if you have stars to give then you need adult supervision, that shits hot!

Don’t forget you can also give us a call and leave a voice mail and we’ll play it on the next episode! Call us at 813-551-ANUS. That’s 813-551-2687!

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JLB Episode 45 – New Year Visions of 2016 Pt. 1

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This year we are laying our lives on the line and sharing our New Year’s resolutions with you, the humble yet constipated listener.

That’s right folks, Josh #2 has returned from his “Everquest” and we are now back with this hard hitting episode that will bring tears to your eyes. But before we get into the meat paste of the program, we would like to take a moment and remind you that this is an election year and we are throwing all of our support to the one and only, Scat Mayor. You heard him on last week’s’ poddy and boy, what a doozy of an impression he left on us and all you fine listeners. Anyway, we kick things off with some political race jargon as well as some old man Ron Paul discussion about his frailty and Goodwill attire. Then we learn why Josh’s voice is so low before he challenges Josh #1 to a dangerous bike riding competition (not crossfire). Superman has an extreme allergy to poppy seed but that doesn’t stop him from scarfing down lemon poppy seed muffins, but he is a stupid superhero anyway. We then finally get to what’s on the docket for 2016 and it’s not all residuals and royalties either, it’s also about Crow’s Blood, hawk nuggets, deli meats, and lying more often. If you really want to know why Jill is a light fog or licking peps then you’re going to want to tune in to this eye opening episode about love, heart, and family. 100 likes bitches!

(This episode is brought to you by the Scat Mayor Campaign for Premium Power)

Don’t forget you can also give us a call and leave a voice mail and we’ll play it on the next episode! Call us at 813-551-ANUS. That’s 813-551-2687!

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JLB Episode 44 – Scat Mayor For President!!!

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Do you want to talk about the real issues in America?

Do you like Japanese culture?

These questions and more in this very special presidential political episode of JackaLackaBuff!

Josh #2 is currently out of the office so we got Josh #1 to help us conduct this most exclusive and most terrible interview with presidential candidate, Scat Mayor. Even after a grueling nine hour direct flight, he still managed to come in with guns blazing, energizing and mesmerizing us with his revolutionary ideas for the country. After some quick preliminary questions, Jill digs deep into what Scat Mayor is all about as a person and as a future leader. We learn of his love for Japanese culture as well as the policies of one of his idols, Emperor Palpatine, a fictional character in some stupid space movie. When Josh #1 grills him too hard, he receives a little backlash as well as a challenge from Scat Mayor, a Crossfire battle! Although Josh #1 ain’t no Luigi, he declines like a “gentle man” and continues the interrogation with cat like reflexes. All in all, Jill and Josh #1 are 100% completely sold on the idea of having a pure breed scatting president, and you will too after listening to this titillating and enthralling episode.

Hail Scat Mayor!

Don’t forget you can also give us a call and leave a voice mail and we’ll play it on the next episode! Call us at 813-551-ANUS. That’s 813-551-2687!

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